Umm I'm too high to move.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
