I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm too high and old for this...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
