Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
