good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Someone shit on the floor
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize