Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
