People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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