I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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