why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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