he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize