I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can you bring me the toilet please
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
