need another drink. this is the easiest way
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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