i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
