Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
