I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
