i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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