I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
