Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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