May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
