Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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