Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
