Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
