You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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