and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
