so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
