dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
