The best revenge is premature balding
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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