I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
