new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
