I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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