she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize