If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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