look no pants
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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