she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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