Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
