well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
