Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
