bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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