My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
