ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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