there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
