I only kidnapped one of them. chill
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
