Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
