how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Too much gin, very little bucket
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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