look no pants
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
