Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
