shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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