Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
