Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
