i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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