so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
