my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
