That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
