I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
