Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
