After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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