just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
