I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
