Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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