do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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