Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
