watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
wow bdsm is so cute
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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